Be Selective About Your Concerns- Things We Care Too Much About

I can’t tell you how many things I really don’t care about. That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy trivial conversation- I say more jibberish to Matt every day than anything actually worth saying. Sometimes a random string of words will pop into my head and I’ll proceed to recite them in a funny voice or in song for absolutely no reason at all. That’s not what I’m talking about.⁠⠀

Some people just care too much about things that aren’t worth giving a crap about. People care too much about what other people are doing (or aren’t doing). Or what another person said that may or may not have anything to do with them. They worry so deeply about the weather, the neighbors, and the inappropriate outfit that so-and-so wore…and then they say “I really want to simplify. I just have too much on my plate.” ⁠⠀

How can things ever be simple if you’re concerning yourself with so many things? I think the biggest barrier between us and a simple/happy/totally-unchained-and-amazing-life boils down to 2 things: 1) we care too much about what other people are doing and 2) we care too much about what people think of what we’re doing. But what would the world be like if we really didn’t give a shit about those 2 things? What would you find yourself doing differently? 

This is a kind of intervention because if you are being honest with yourself… you care TOO MUCH!

Social Contract = Social Obsession

Yes, there’s a certain level of ‘social contract’ required to prevent utter chaos from ensuing. You know, the whole “Don’t kill me and I won’t kill you. Don’t steal my camel and I won’t raid your village.”. The philosopher Thomas Hobbes wrote an entire book on the subject of a social contract and how it’s necessary to essentially exchange certain freedoms for protection. 

This basic truth of a social contract and general niceties being a means of protection and self-betterment has been twisted in today’s social media and popularity-seeking times into more of an obsession with others. Where are they traveling; what are they doing; what do they think about me? Everyone can see everyone. Not only can we see each other but we’re all invited to comment and have an opinion- encouraged, in fact.

You Care Too Much About Social Media

I like pretty pictures. I’m a fan of any art, actually- written, song, photography, web graphics. I get excited and feel soulfully inspired when I truly connect with something that was created. Even if it’s my own creation. Maybe you’ve experienced that. You took the perfect picture with your smartphone that had amazing lighting and precisely captured the moment or feeling you intended to convey. Or you wrote an email to your boss and read over it thinking “damn that’s good. Really good points; I sound so smart.”

I view social media as an appreciation of other people’s captured moments or shared artistic expression fully understanding that these snapshots are not indicative of their life or even their true nature. The issue is with the intent and the interpretation. That is when social media becomes a tool of ‘obsession’ for the person sharing or the person viewing. The person sharing can be just as obsessed with the viewer- what will they think? Did I use the wrong words?- dampening their own happiness, authenticity, and self-expression. 

There is a myriad of studies done and being done on how social media impacts mental health and self-esteem. No one claims there are not good parts but everything in moderation. I like how it is put here:

"While social media may help to cultivate friendships and reduce loneliness, evidence suggests that excessive use negatively impacts self-esteem and life satisfaction. It’s also linked to an increase in mental health problems and suicidality (though not yet conclusively)."

Sophia Auld -BS at AAU

Sometimes when I’m looking at the perfect images online I like to imagine what the reality might be. What happened after the shot? Did everyone sit around bored for a minute before unbuttoning their pants, grabbing the Cheeto puffs, and hopping on Netflix? It’s the boring moments that you don’t get to see and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with that because I don’t really care- and you shouldn’t either. 

Empathy & Compassion

There’s a difference between not concerning yourself with the opinions and happenings of others and totally pooh-poohing all empathy and compassion. Empathy and compassion are also necessary for happiness. Sometimes people get it twisted.

I went through a period of time in my youth where I missed the mark on this distinction. I had a lot of social anxiety and awkwardness growing up and finally decided that I just wasn’t going to give a damn about other people in general. It kinda made me a dick. It also marked the most socially isolating period of my life. We’re social beings- our brains are wired that way. So, it’s a recipe for pure misery to shut off empathy and compassion and socially isolate ourselves. 

Understand that if you care too much about what other people think about you or what choices your coworker is making in the wardrobe department is neither empathetic nor compassionate. It’s bloatware. Bloatware is what you call those “extra” programs on your computer that use up all of the resources and are a total waste of space. 

Give A Crap About Better Things

Any time you’re in the public eye sharing your ideas with the world you’re opening the door to criticism and opinions. I can’t tell you how many opinions I’ve received from people out there on the great interwebs. It happens all the time- not just to me but to everyone I know who’s decided to create something and put it out there. If you think you’re the only person who gets other people’s opinions hurled at them- you’re not. 

A few weeks back I wrote an article in which I used Halloween as an analogy and immediately received a response from someone telling me that they were unsubscribing. People unsubscribe all the time but I rarely have someone stop to inform me. She said that Haloween was a satanic holiday that she would have nothing to do with and that it was in poor taste that I used it at all. Fair enough. Another lady announced her displeasure over my ability to take a long summer break when apparently so many can’t and how “it must be nice”.  

If I care too much about what random people think of me I would never have posted my first article. It’s part of the territory and honestly, it’s part of life. Some people will not like you. Some people will be rude to you. You might as well agree to stop caring about that right now.

While you’re at it, go ahead and remove what other people are doing and saying from your list of daily frets. I imagine those who take the time to leave negative remarks have made a habit of being easily offended. If you want a one-step system to becoming less overwhelmed and frustrated- stop being easily offended.

Being Selective About Your Concerns Is Self-Help.

There are a lot of spiritually bloated gurus out there who eat positive affirmations for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you care too much about what people think it’ll consume you. Sometimes we have to break old mindsets and cycles but I believe that if you could just hone in on those 2 magic things you’d open the door to new happiness and simplicity: 1) stop giving a crap about what other people are doing and 2) stop caring about what people think of what you’re doing.