Minimalism With Kids Q&A + We’re Pregnant!

About a month or two ago, I asked you all what kind of topics you wanted to hear more about from me. I was surprised to find that the majority of the requests had to do with one thing: how to be clutter-free and practice minimalism with kids. 

But First, A Special Announcement…

Before I get into the questions and answers, I have a related life update to share! A lot of you know that my oldest daughter is about to turn 16 and my youngest is 14. Well, about 4 weeks ago, we found out that we are about to do it all over again…Yup, I’m PREGNANT! 

​​Matt and I got married in June of last year, and we’ve been trying for about eight months to have a baby. We were starting to wonder if it was ever going to happen. And it happened!  Right before I found out, I was so anxious. I kept wondering, what is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Then, the thought suddenly crept up on me:  Well, maybe I’m pregnant. 

I’m now about nine weeks, and we just had our first ultrasound in the doctor’s office. It’s still really early on, so you can’t see a whole lot, but the heart rate is great which is reassuring! We should know the sex in the next four weeks or so.

Most of you know that last week, I did a video on feeling uninspired and exhausted. That was definitely the result of the way I’ve been feeling about working while in this constant state of fatigue and queasiness. I am exhausted a lot, but it’s good to know that all of that is normal! I also had some shortness of breath, which we had checked out and it turns out that that is normal too. So all in all, everything is looking great!

We held off on telling everybody because a lot can go wrong in the first trimester. We wanted to make sure that everything was looking the way it should and wait until we had that first ultrasound. I’m so happy to finally share that with you guys today, and I’ll keep you posted on how things are going! 

Btw, you can see where I share the news with Matt as well as this full video Q&A right here:

Now, let’s get into your questions about minimalism with kids!

This first question I really love because I feel like it’s so raw and honest. I think that this is something that will be relatable for a lot of us!

Question #1: Dealing With The “Jealousy Monster”

This person said: “I’d love to see someone do content on how to deal with the jealousy monster. When you’re a minimalist, kids go to visit friends or family who are not minimalistic. I have a three-year-old and four-year-old who come home feeling like they have nothing compared to others. But when they are home and not out visiting people, they are content.”

I like that you added this part at the end– that when they’re home, they are content. It indicates that they do have the things that they need in order to actually fill their days and to make them happy when they’re at home. Kids will very easily let you know when they need more stimulation or more things to occupy themselves with. If they’re content when they’re at home, then you’re probably doing an amazing job of making sure that they have the things that they need. 

Jealousy can pop up amongst kids AND parents!

Anybody who has had kids has experienced jealousy, whether it’s among the kids or even sometimes among the parents. I remember when I was growing up, I used to come home from visiting relatives just feeling sad and depressed. Every time I would come back from visiting my grandparents, who would shower me with gifts and take me out to eat, I’d feel super down, and it showed. It really upset my mom.

I remember that I felt bad for her because I could tell that she would get really upset whenever I would come home and seem ​​so unhappy. But after a day​​ or two, I would always get back into my mojo, and everything was great. I don’t think that I had anything that I was lacking growing up. 

Desire now doesn’t equal interest later 😂

Kids especially are always going to want things that they don’t have. Plus, a lot of times once they do have them, they don’t even want them anymore! ​​I’ve definitely bought my kids things that they REALLY wanted for months, like those really cool, expensive robotic dogs and cats.  And then as soon as they got it, it was like, “Okay, that’s cool.” They play with it a couple of times, and that’s it.

I also used to nanny for some kids that were living in a really affluent area. These kids had a lot of stuff. And even in that community, kids constantly wanted the latest gadget or toy that the other kids had. That wasn’t because they were deprived of things at home.

So for me, whenever I deal with this as a parent, I can understand what it feels like to be on the other side of that. While it is frustrating, it’s something that we all have to work through emotionally on our own– it comes with being a parent.

And trust me, I do definitely deal with it. Sometimes my girls will stay over at a friend’s house and they talk about how they go out to eat all the time or they spend money doing all of these different things that we just don’t really do. Of course, they come home and brag about the delicious food that they had or the really cool new Persian restaurant that they went to.

But for me, especially because I had that experience when I was a kid, I just know that they’re not lacking anything. I know that they’re happy where they are and I let it slide off pretty easily.

The benefits outweigh the jealousy.

Even though I obviously want my kids to be happy and I want them to feel like they have the best life ever, I never feel the need to change our lifestyle or to change the way that I’m raising my kids. I know from my experiences, time after time, that having everything is not going to make them happier.

I know that it’s not going to enrich their lives or make them any happier as human beings than they already are. I always like to come back to the benefits of living a clutter-free life with kids or even living a minimalist life with kids. Even though there’s a big spectrum and people choose to do it differently, at the core of it, not having so much excess has a lot of benefits, especially when it comes to kids. 

Question #2: Decluttering With Kids Who Are “Collectors”

The next question is about decluttering elementary-aged kids’ items when they won’t let go and​​ are collectors.

I can definitely relate to this one. My youngest was a collector. She was one of those who would come home from school with a collection of rocks and sticks that she picked up throughout her day. I wasn’t crazy about it, but it was a part of our lives that we just went through and it passed. It was okay, but I can see how it could also really get out of control if there aren’t some kind of boundaries and parameters.

The need for boundaries.

I think that this really comes down to perspective and what’s actually going on in this space. Is it that they have just an overwhelming amount of belongings and that it’s not working for you because they’re leaving stuff everywhere? Sometimes that’s the case. And when it is, boundaries should definitely be established.

I think that the easiest way to go about that is using spatial constraints and saying, “Okay, you can have this giant box and anything that fits in that is all yours. Whatever doesn’t fit in the box, then we’re going to have to let it go, unfortunately.” Then, you can work with them to decide what’s going to fit in the box, and what’s not. This way, at least then things are able to be contained.

(That’s really my secret sauce for everything when it comes to minimalism with kids).

The need for perspective.

I also have some personal experience with particular items that bothered me that I wanted my kids to let go of. For example, my youngest had a purple puffy jacket that she was crazy about. She lived in this jacket; she would even go to sleep in it. She also would play outside in the dirt in the jacket. So of course, it started looking more brown than actually purple.

My GOAL IN LIFE was to get her to get rid of that jacket! Every time we would go to the store, I would pull out other jackets that I thought were way cuter and talk them up, “Ooh, you know, this one is really soft on the inside and it’s purple too!” But she wasn’t having any of it.

Eventually, all I could do was just let it go.

Ultimately, I decided that winter doesn’t last forever. She would stop wearing the jacket when it got hot and it probably wouldn’t fit her by the next year anyway and that’s exactly what happened!  By the next winter, we were able to get her a new jacket…problem solved. 

There are some times when you can just let things go and make things a lot easier on both of you, but it really just depends on the state that you’re talking about. There may be a little bit of both! A little bit of you making peace with some things and also setting boundaries for some of their other things. All in all, the good news is that it doesn’t last forever. 

Question #3: Minimal Toys

The next question was, “Have you done anything on minimal toys?  What are the most useful, versatile, worthwhile toys to have and what ones are just creating clutter?”

I think I upset one person once because I said that all of the Barbies’ little accessories are just too much stuff. For my kids, those kinds of things always ended up being cluttered. It just wasn’t necessary. But of course, there may be some kids who really do use all of the little things and maybe they really do dress up their dolls regularly and it doesn’t end up being shoved away.

That just wasn’t the case for us.

Something else that comes to mind is Nerf guns, with all of those little styrofoam shooters. I know some kids love Nerf guns and I’m honestly pretty glad that my kids didn’t get too into those. I don’t want them shooting each other with Nerf guns all over the house! That sounds like a stressful situation.

And then there are the McDonald’s happy meals– that’s a tricky one. If they get a happy meal and they open the toy, you don’t want to immediately toss it in the trash. You feel like you have to give it a little bit of a grace period, right?

In general, I try to steer away from the noisemakers, the hard plastic things, and so on. Except for Legos…I think Legos are awesome. 😎

More to come!

Obviously, with this new baby, we’re going to be going through all of those stages again. I’m sure I’ll be getting more ideas as we go along. I foresee myself probably having a lot of squishy stuffy type things, and wooden learning blocks during the infant and toddler age.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

The simpler the better.

Mostly what I remember from when my kids were younger was the simpler, the better. Sometimes they would just sit on the floor with pots and pans and a big spoon. I remember I bought the really expensive, fancy, “tickle me” Elmo toy. ​​I thought that thing was the COOLEST. But my toddler? Terrified.

Neither of my kids really liked those kinds of things. So I think that a lot of times, especially when they’re little, kids wanting nice things isn’t the problem. It’s that we think that they’re going to like it, or maybe we’re thinking with our adult brains that we would enjoy these more technological and cool things than playing with a pot.

Oftentimes, kids don’t see it that way. If we look at the data, what do the kids actually enjoy playing with? Those are the things that are going to be less cluttered. 

Question #4: Getting Your Kids On Board

The next question is about “tips on getting my five-year-old to understand decluttering.”

I can’t wait to go through this whole process again as my little one grows! I think that whenever you’re having these types of conversations with your kids, it’s really important that you speak to them in terms that they’re going to understand mentally and emotionally.

So if you’re telling them, “Well, we need to have more space” and “these things are taking up too much room,” the kids probably won’t relate much to that. They don’t see it that way. They don’t understand why that’s a problem. Whereas if you’re able to somehow relate it to something that they’ve experienced before and use words that they can relate more to, like maybe something from a show that they watch, then they’re more likely to come around.

For example, if they have a toy that they haven’t played with within a long time that’s in good enough condition to donate, you could say something like “Poor Bunbun! He hasn’t really gotten a whole lot of attention here lately, but I bet that there are some kids out there who would love to play with him! Maybe Bunbun would like to see more of the world.” 

I think that turning it into a story like that works especially well for younger kids and it helps them to have a little more compassion. 

Question #5: Clutter-Free Toddler Play Areas

The next question was asking for some “clutter-free tips for toddler play areas.”

This is another thing that I’ll hopefully have something more concrete form in the next couple of years. I really feel that toddlers don’t need much at all. So often, toddlers are adorned with gifts from family that ends up as mounds and mounds of things that they don’t even play with.

Unfortunately, even with the nice intentions, that really takes away from the beautiful nursery that you probably had conceptualized whenever you were pregnant! They’re not going to be able to play with all of those things and will absolutely have their favorites. Just think about the 80-20 rule. They’re probably going to play with 20% of the toys 80% of the time.

Boundaries for gifts are key!

Probably the hardest part of curating the perfect toddler or nursery room is going to be becoming comfortable with setting boundaries when it comes to gifts. Whether that’s a simple message like, “Please stick to gifts on the registry” or maybe even, “Let’s have a diaper party instead!” That way, you can put a little bit of a lid on how much excess you’re getting.

Most times, people just want to get you something that’s going to make you happy anyway. 

There may end up being one or two items that the kids really love. Maybe they have a little plastic kitchenette and that’s all they play with. That’s great! As long as it works for them, and it’s all maintained, then that’s no problem. But usually, that’s not the case. Usually, it’s that PLUS tons of other plastic pieces and a good portion of them aren’t being used. 

Keep homes for things.

For me, I like to keep things a little more muted. I like to have homes for things, whether it’s a bin or a dresser drawer. Those spots are never just areas on a floor. If you have your spatial constraints planned and in control, even if you’re already in the midst of having a bunch of stuff for your toddler, you can still go through and do a little course-correcting. You just want to make sure that you have some kind of spatial constraints in place and decide where you want things. Then you can take some things to donate and give some things away. 

Like I said before, I think toddler-age kids usually reach for the wooden toys and sometimes the soft plushy toys. Of course, every kid is probably different.

Question #6: How To Deal With All Of Those Gifts

This person said, “I realized I don’t have too much stuff, but maybe my kids do, especially clothes and toys. I don’t really know how to deal with that because most of these things are presents from family and friends.”

Be a disappointer.

I think that one of the biggest mindsets that we all have to overcome in order to have the space that we really want is being okay with disappointing others.

Marie Forleo says, “I’m a professional disappointer.” Sometimes you have to say no, and sometimes you have to do things that maybe other people aren’t going to be crazy about. If it’s directly related to YOU and YOUR space and something that’s impacting YOUR life then you absolutely have the right to do that!

A new way of looking at gifts when practicing minimalism with kids.

Just because a gift is given to you or to your kids, doesn’t mean that you are now responsible for that thing indefinitely. I think that’s a really unfair way to look at things that are gifted.

Most of my family and the people who know me know that I feel this way- once a gift is given to you or to your kids, that thing no longer belongs to the gift giver. Now it belongs to the gift receiver to do with as they see fit. You shouldn’t be required to house things and tend to them forever just because somebody else made a nice gesture.

I think you should make peace with the fact that you’re going to do what you need to do for your space. And of course, you’re going to make the best decisions you can make for your kids. Even if that means donating the things they’re not using or not playing with, or reselling things that they absolutely are not going to use.

I’ve actually had family members send gifts to the kids before that the kids just weren’t interested in. And instead of forcing them to use it, or storing it up in their closet, we’ll either resell it or donate it right away. Letting go of that belief that it’s “rude” to get rid of things that were gifted to us is a big stepping stone that just gives you so much relief.

It’s so much more relieving to not feel obligated and guilty all the time about so many things that people give you.

Question #7: Block Out The Haters

Final question. This person says, “I like to keep my home very tidy. I’m five months pregnant. I have a friend who struggles with keeping her house clutter-free and tidy. She constantly says to me, ‘You won’t be able to tidy once you have kids.’ To me, it comes off as really negative. And I don’t want to have that mindset. It just seems like it comes from a place of jealousy. Has anyone else dealt with comments like these?”

There are so many people who are going to have an opinion and unfortunately share their opinion about you and your family, minimalism with kids, and what you can and can’t do. This drives me absolutely insane. I am somebody who has always had that willpower that if people tell me I can’t do something, it just makes me want to do it more. It really frustrates me.

I was told so many things when I was pregnant, like, “Well, I guess you won’t be able to travel now that you have kids” or, “Good luck trying to be clutter-free and getting rid of everything!” I’ve even had people tell me, “Oh, poor kids” when I’m talking about living a minimalist life. I think that that is SO offensive! If any of you feel that way, please just don’t share your opinion. Everybody is doing the best that they can, trying to make the best decisions for their family. I don’t think that there is anything more offensive than telling somebody “poor kids.”

Other people’s displaced limits.

People put limits on themselves for certain things, and it makes them feel bad when somebody else is able to do it. Like maybe somebody thinks “Well I can’t keep the house clean” and their stuff is all over the place but they have explained this away by saying, “Well, it’s not possible because I have these kids.” So now, if somebody else does manage to keep a clean and more peaceful space, and they have kids, what does that mean?

I think that it’s just a limiting belief and mindset, and possibly even some jealousy. Nonetheless, it’s still really frustrating. You don’t have to say anything to address it but don’t let it influence your actions and your decisions. You wouldn’t believe how many people tell me that minimalism with kids isn’t possible- yet, I’m a minimalist…with kids ;).

Minimalism With Kids Q&A Wrapup!

Those are all of the questions that I have! Clearly, a lot of people were curious about how to live a minimalist lifestyle while raising kids. These were some really valid questions and I hope that I was able to provide some clarity. Please let me know what you think in the comments. I can’t wait to experience some of these things all over again with baby #3!